Find joy in the journey.....
So, I was working away on a bog post for a long time, and suddenly, it just disappeared into the fucking black hole of the e-universe, grrr. And the thing is, it was a lot of whining about how miserable I am. And I even have good reasons to be miserable - no friends, miserable marriage, and why the hell does my new b/f, who seemed to match me in the intensity and passion of thois relationship, suddenly seem to be cooling off?!?!? And how the hell do I save this crap so it won't happen again?!?!? OK, apparently you just save by posting/editing......It occurs to me that my whining only turns to wallowing when I dont take any actions to change my life. One of which must include getting more sleep. with that I shall sign off.
so, I've been confused and overwhelmed with this site and how best to use this site, and i have realized that I am straying far from my original intent, which is basically an online anonymous journal. And it seems to me the blog feature here is the best way to do that. I mean the site just seems to have an identity crisis - what exactly does it want to be - an online support group for others in similar situations, an online journal that you can choose to keep totally private or share to the degree that you want to, a hook-up group, an online version of post-secret, an email outlet for people who want to write frankly, anonymously....I am thinking that, at least for me, its best use is an online journal that you can choose to share, or not, with various experience groups, such as (for me), music lovers, cheaters, alcoholic spouses, etc. Or whoever might stumble across your blog. It allows me to write entirely for myself, which is very cathartic for me. But I sometimes enjoy sharing w/others too. Here I am able to share with others in similar situations, or to give supportive feedback to others in similar situations. So, given that, I do like having the choice of the blog being private, public, or friends only. Feels good to further define what I am doing here. For me, writing is a very cathartic, therapeutic exercise. I've had off and on struggles with clinical depression and anxiety, and one thing I have found to be very cathartic and therapeutic is journaling. So, here, I can online journal anonymously, choose how public or private it is. And something else, maybe, become a better writer, thinker, expresser......
Here I am, at my desk on Monday. Needing to work, wanting to write. This is the first time I've had the chance to return here in weeks. I am finding that navigating this site is a little overwhelming and confusing, seems it could be organized better, but I am easily confused and overwhelmed, especially with techno stuff, so maybe it is just me.
And why was my weekend beautiful? Intense, passionate sex in the woods with a new lover Saturday night, followed by a rainy Sunday, perfect for my mood and plans (all of which involved indoor tasks). I listened to the amazing Mtn Goats - their (his) lyrics speak so directly to my heart - most of the day, while crocheting a blanket for my son, and finally catching up on all those dishes that have been taking over the kitchen. Felt exhausted, and covered in bug bites, and exhilerated and sad at the same time - from the joy of new love, and the reality that I won't get what I want. Maybe never. Does that mean that I should stop trying, and having some fun along the way?! The pain is real and inevitable, but so is the joy in the moment......
here. Am so glad to find this. Writing is a catharsis for me. But not to share. Just for me. And now, I can write and it looks like here is a place where I can write for me, but also share w/others anonymously who might be able to relate to my interests, concerns. And right now, I have secrets. So I need to be anonymous. Also, it's liberating to write in an anonymous forum. So I am excited to be here. More later, but now, I must get back to work and hopefully get something done so that I don't feel like total crap in about an hour and a half, when I gotta get outta here.
Previous PostsNote to self...., posted November 10th, 2012
aarrghhh...., posted September 10th, 2012
freedom through invisibility..., posted September 9th, 2012, 2 comments
back to reality, after a beautiful weekend......., posted August 20th, 2012
my first time...., posted August 8th, 2012
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